Why Spread Democracy when Fallout Is Qucker?

Problem: Kim Jong-Il is the dictator of North Korea. It is a very poor country, and he is a textbook paranoid schizo.
He is fond of torturing dissidents and has forced millions of his subjects into starvation, taking resources they might have used to live and redirecting them for a nuclear weapons program and delivery system. He has just touched off his first successful underground A-bomb, and although it’s big and unwieldy, he’s working on getting it small enough to missile into the wild blue yonder. He says the United States is the enemy and has forced him to act the way he does. Japan and South Korea understandably are worried that he regards them as friends of his enemy. That probably should give pause to Australia and New Zealand because once Nut Boy begins pushing buttons, who knows where the missiles will come down?

Solution: Make Pyongyang, where Kim and most of his handpicked generals have their mansions, one big smoking hole in the ground. Adios, MF. RIP a lot of innocent people. But that’s better than death to you and me and lots and lots of our neighbors.

Of course, there would be international outcries and saber rattling from the Chinese, but maybe we could work a deal beforehand. Not a deal with the United Nations: it bows to Arab oil money and never lifted a finger as genocidal regimes from Africa to Asia did their bits to imitate North Korea. Hence Greenpeace would be billowing and squeaking, but maybe the Commie Chi would be reasonable. “We play the bad cop,” we say. “You take over what’s left.”

The alternative is to keep talking. We can blame President Bush for insisting on six-party negotiations when he should be sitting down with Kim for some one-on-one face time. For crying out loud, treat him like a human being! Or maybe it’s Madeline Albright’s fault for when she was President Clinton’s Secretary of State and waltzed with the madman. He’s short! What do you think that did to his self-esteem? Maybe if we treat him better or differently or something, Tinker Bell will fly, and Kim Jong-Il will stop laboring away.